Sports

3 articles

Local Basketball Team's Defense So Bad It Actually Creates Small Wormholes in Spacetime

Physics professors at State University confirm that the Riverside Raccoons' defensive strategy has begun tearing microscopic holes in the fabric of reality itself.

Sports•3 min read

Area Man Wins Marathon By Walking Backwards After Getting Lost

I thought I was going the right way, said the confused but decorated runner.

Sports•3 min read

Local Softball Team Discovers Opposing Pitcher Has Been Dead for Three Innings, Still Striking Out Batters

The Millfield Mudcats were eliminated from the regional tournament Tuesday night after failing to get a hit off deceased pitcher Randy Kowalski, who had been legally dead since the fifth inning.

Sports•3 min read