News that makes absolutely no sense, because real news is overrated
Scientists baffled as unidentified chemical compound eliminates all traces of seasonal illness among exposed workers, though side effects include temporary ability to see through walls and speak fluent dolphin.
In an unprecedented display of Southern hospitality, Georgia wildfires have been sending formal evacuation notices to residents before burning down their homes, leading to a surge in gratitude letters from displaced families.
Researchers found that the widely-used cardiac supplement contains microscopic hearts that died from loneliness after being rejected by the body's other organs.
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Sunset Lanes bowling alley has employed quantum physicist Dr. Martha Chen after bowling pins started floating, rotating backwards through time, and occasionally achieving sentience during Tuesday evening leagues.
Director Curry Barker promises the most artistically pretentious slasher film ever made, complete with 47-minute monologues about existential dread and victims who discuss their feelings before being murdered.
Former president reportedly spent weeks with pickaxe and headlamp searching Lincoln Bedroom crawlspace for precious metals to jumpstart promised economic boom.