Today's Nonsensical Headlines

News that makes absolutely no sense, because real news is overrated

Featured Articles

Researchers Confirm That Plants Have Been Gossiping About Humans for Centuries, Find Houseplants Particularly Judgmental

A groundbreaking study reveals that plants have developed a complex social network dedicated entirely to critiquing human behavior, with ficus trees emerging as the most savage critics.

Science•3 min read

Groundbreaking Study Reveals That 73% of All Scientific Research is Just Scientists Really, Really Hoping They're Right

A comprehensive meta-analysis of global scientific methodology has uncovered the uncomfortable truth that most peer-reviewed research is conducted using the 'fingers-crossed' method.

Science•3 min read

Local Basketball Team's Defense So Bad It Actually Creates Small Wormholes in Spacetime

Physics professors at State University confirm that the Riverside Raccoons' defensive strategy has begun tearing microscopic holes in the fabric of reality itself.

Sports•3 min read

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Breaking Fake News

Worlds Largest Pizza Delivered by Drone to Yacht

The 500-pound pizza required its own helicopter for delivery.

World•3 min read

Local Dog Elected Mayor Promises More Treats for Everyone

Golden Retriever wins by landslide with campaign slogan Treats for All.

Local•3 min read

Professional Cheese Sculptor Retires After 47-Year Career

Renowned cheese artist cites lactose intolerance of the soul.

Entertainment•3 min read