Water Found to Be Wet in Surprising Discovery

In an announcement that has shaken the scientific community to its core, researchers at MIT have confirmed what children have been screaming from swimming pools for generations: water is, in fact, wet.

The discovery was made using advanced sensors that measured wetness levels in H2O samples from around the world. The results were conclusive: water tested positive for wetness in 100% of trials.

"We had always assumed it was just a rumor," said Dr. Hydro Phobia, lead researcher on the project. "But the data doesn't lie. Every single sample we tested exhibited wet properties. It's unprecedented in the history of fluid dynamics."

The findings have immediate implications for everything from weather forecasting to bathtub design. The National Weather Service has announced it will begin issuing "Very Wet" warnings for areas expecting heavy rainfall.

Further research is now examining whether ice is cold, with preliminary results suggesting that frozen water exhibits "distinctly cold properties" that warrant further study. Scientists are calling it "a brave new world of obvious discoveries."