Scientists Discover That Cats Are Actually Just Small Liquid Glitchers

In a groundbreaking study that has left cat owners across the globe questioning reality, scientists at MIT have confirmed that cats are not actually physical beings but rather small liquid glitchers existing in a simulated state.

The discovery came when Dr. Sarah Chen noticed that her cat, Mr. Whiskers, seemed to phase through solid objects on a regular basis. "At first, I thought I was just drunk," Dr. Chen explained. "But then I set up cameras and sure enough, he's literally just a really adorable software glitch."

Further research revealed that cats have been "rendering" incorrectly since approximately 10,000 BCE, when early humans first began domesticating them. "They've been fooling us for millennia," said lead researcher Dr. Marcus Webb. "Every time you think your cat is sleeping, they're actually buffering."

The implications are staggering. If cats are indeed digital artifacts, questions arise about who—or what—is running the simulation. Some experts suggest that the millions of videos of cats doing stupid things online are actually system diagnostics being run by the simulation's administrators.

Cat owners worldwide have taken the news with varying degrees of acceptance. "It explains a lot," said one relieved pet owner. "I've always wondered why my cat could walk through walls but refused to use the litter box."