Professional Cheese Sculptor Retires After 47-Year Career

In a move that has shaken the dairy art world to its very core, legendary cheese sculptor Brie Cheddarworth announced her retirement after 47 years of creating masterpieces from aged gouda and crumbling camembert.

The 73-year-old artist, known for her intricate sculptures ranging from life-sized cheese cows to abstract renderings of melted cheese, cited "lactose intolerance of the soul" as her reason for stepping down. "I can't look at another wheel of brie without feeling existential," Cheddarworth stated at her final exhibition, which featured a 500-pound cheese replica of the Mona Lisa.

Her retirement plans include taking up watercolors, specifically the kind that don't age. "I've spent my entire life working with something that gets more pungent with age," she explained. "I think it's time for something a bit more... timeless."

The cheese sculpture community has been devastated by the news, with tributes pouring in from artists around the world. A memorial cheese wheel will be erected in her hometown of Madison, Wisconsin, where visitors can watch it slowly mature and eventually become too hard to sculpt.